Did vs. Didn't

With the onset of a new year only hours away, it's time for a yearly tradition of sorts. What did I do this year? And what do I want to accomplish for the upcoming one.

A look back to review accomplishments and challenges in addition to refocusing on what your goals are going forward is so important. As with most of us we usually are tackling the latest fire and we forget to be proactively working toward our goals, too quickly the year is gone and we've lost the most valuable thing we have in this life....our time.

The action of writing down what I Didn't and Did in the last year for a review is a great exercise ....and of course profoundly I compile a Do and Don't list for the next year.

Tomorrow the list gets made as it has for the last 8 or so years...each year it gets more and more interesting to see.

What will your list look like? More Didn'ts that Dids? More importantly, what is next on your list to accomplish this year? Swing for the fences, no room for mediocre goals here! As a good friend recently told me....

May your 2009 defy gravity!

What to Watch @ Christmas?

Christmas and time with the family go hand in hand, just like Christmas and great movies go together. I intentionally leave out the fact that eating and the holidays are nearly inseparable. One of the simple traditions in my family is to watch a few of the SAME movies each and every year. We almost can't get through a holiday without them, someone will inevitably ensure that it gets seen!

Like all traditions, over the years we add to and adjust a little of the list as time passes. I thought this being Christmas Eve I may share a few of our favorite titles:

• It's a Wonderful Life (can Jimmy Stewart be any better...I somehow doubt it)
  
• Miracle on 34th Street ( "yes Virgina there really is a Santa Claus")
  
• Home Alone (when Macaulay Culkin actually had some talent)
• Elf (uh ok anything with Will Ferrell is just funny)

There could be 10 more but just a taste today as I'm off to watch Jimmy and Donna "lasso the moon"...

This Chrsitmas I'm not breaking any traditions.

Unplugged and listening

Taking (a little) time alone, unplugged, can really be a good thing no matter how beneficial being in community with others is for all of us. So it may be a little ironic writing about "unplugging" in a very connected format like a blog, but life is full of irony.

A few weeks ago a good friend of mine and I went snowboarding in Colorado. On day three of that trip we were night riding at Keystone (something anyone who is into skiing or boarding should do!!). On our second run of the night I told him to ride on (he is a few levels above me anyhow), what happened then wasn't anything you can really plan for.

For a solid 5-7 min I was alone on the mountain, it was lightly snowing that night, for the past few days it had drenched the mountains in snow and the wind was gale force but not that night, it was practically still. There was absolutely no one around me at all....I was ALONE, it was perfectly quiet except for a little whisper in the pines and the occasional sound of my board moving the snow as I glided down the hill. I couldn't tell you the last time I felt so open, its easy to listen when there is no clutter. No ipod in my ear, no texts or emails hitting my phone, no computer in my face, it really was surreal. On top of that mountain, in the dark, alone, I felt more connected to the world than I had in months.

Coelho, one of my favorite authors talks about the ability to listen to the "language of the world"....and I can tell you, that night I was listening.

I guess sometimes it takes effort to unplug, go for a walk (no ipod), sit in a chair (no tv blaring), read a book then sit and think about it, pray for longer than 3 min or any other manner of taking some time unplugged. While being connected to others is integral and we all need it, a little time alone and listening can do wonders (even if its only 5-7 min).

Don't Tell Me.....Show Me

One of the smartest guys I know (yeah he is also my dad) used to spout this little one-liner of wisdom anytime he had the opportunity. Usually when I was on some diatribe of how I was going to change the world, start a business, build a better "widget" and the like.

It was one of those sayings (and he has plenty) that stays with you, one that takes on different meanings as you get a little older. Yet, in an instant I'm reminded of that smell in the air when he would be giving me some of the advice like this that I still live by today. Most of the time it would be early afternoon and in context that was set up perfect, how he did that still astounds me.

I remember my dad giving up so many Saturdays to help me run a lawn care business (I still think I made more money at 12 years old that I did at 25). I used to think I got a great education early in life running that business (we had 35 or so properties), but I get the fact now that what I learned most was from spending the day with my old man. Stories are great educators, he could relate a story, and his one-liners were some of the best education I have received to date!

It hit me this morning over (an early) coffee with a good friend and mentor that a lot of us may be in the "tell me" part of this equation. I keep hearing things like: "I am going to volunteer more of my time", "I'm scared to leave", "I'm going to work on my resume", "If I could I would start my own business", "I should call that person", "I need to...." you fill in the blank and its all about what we "tell" ourselves we are going to do and not what our hands are busy about actually doing.

So as I take the medicine one more time (like I have many, many times before) I offer it to you. Not quite in the context I first received it, but I can only hope it seeps into your way of doing life as much or more than it has my own.

"Don't tell me, SHOW ME!"

For Love or Money

Some say it was Confucius and others attribute the sentiment to someone else but the statement makes an impression; "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. " A bit surprising then that so many of us are willing to do a job that we don't necessarily like, for a paycheck. Perhaps we like the job well enough but rarely ever love it, its not our passion.

It's this question that so many, including myself continually struggle with. Although the economy is down, there are "jobs" to be had....you could go make a paycheck in several places. The challenge is trying to move past that and find more of a mission or passion, than job.

What I think it comes down to is two things, the ability to dream and the guts to step out there. It's just as much of a process as it is a one time choice, we have to stick to it, believe it, gather encouragement and ultimately make sacrifices to do it. At several times in our lives we will get to the figurative "fork in the road", those moments give us the opportunity to take some action to stay put or move a new playing field...they are fleeting, they are rare and they are defining.

For me it's a calling to keep pushing for those dreams to be out front and for the passions and missions to outweigh the monetary drives we all have.

Buddies

A guy needs buddies....he needs an entourage of sorts....not some guys, not a few guys, ALL guys.

Sometimes as men we can get into this mode of thinking that says we can do it alone, the "Soldier Boy" mentality that drives many of us to succeed. As I read through "Tribes" by Seth Godin, I am reminded that all good groups of buddies are tribes! Not only that but that group can continually keep you challenged and sharpened.

The group that surrounds you says something about the person you are:

• Would they sacrifice for you?
  
• Would they help you when you were really down?
  
• Would they jump in the car with you for a road trip at the last minute?
  
• Would they make sure you "went for it" more often?

Life will consistently remind us that we need people and the more time we spend with each other the better off we will be....I have been pretty fortunate in this regard. I am part of and have quite the entourage, some of that entourage was in town for an event for our BBQ Sauce business (www.heffys.com) this last weekend and another one and I are headed to go snowboarding for the weekend (which I had to be bribed to go on!!).

I was challenged and sharpened in each outing....we had (and will have) some great times. The stories will be retold, exaggerated and retold again.

The point: take some time with your buddies and get out to do something. Its amazing how much they can strengthen, challenge and sharpen you.

A guy needs buddies....he needs an entourage of sorts....not some guys, not a few guys, ALL guys.

The Hardest Part is Getting Started

A few years ago I was fortunate enough to work for a guy who had some of the most diverse experience I have ever seen. His working world took him to the UK, Australia and Hong Kong to name a few. He had been a professor at a college and a VP and a major Fortune 50 company in addition to nearly everything you could think of in-between.

He had this fantastic world view that I had not encountered, entrenched in beliefs that were created by real experiences. He relayed those in great stories and one-liners. I soaked up the knowledge as much as I could, we developed a friendship. I consider him a mentor, I look to him for advice and even if he is not directly giving me direction, the experience I had with him then I still pull from to this day.

"The hardest part is getting started", he would resound. I always took it literally, however another implication was highlighted this week as I am trying to decide on a name for a new business I am starting.

Sometimes we can make things too difficult, we can get stuck on the nuances of business instead of actually doing (starting) business. The "hardest part", is actually getting outside, making a call, launching the site (even if its not perfect), going to that meeting or any other manner of action. Once you are in motion its much easier to course correct, but sometimes we can get stuck parked and planning for far too long.

http://entrepreneurshipweekusa.com/

Can you say Animoto?

Today, its all about how you "share life" with your friends and family. So much so that nearly all generations are snapping digital pictures and have been for years.... now more than ever their snaps are going straight onto their favorite social network.

Over the last year or so the trend has begun to shift again, its not good enough to just share pics. You have to have them loaded immediately and if your really cool you edit the pics and/or video in a collaboration with great music and fancy effects then post that for all your friends and family.

I love technology, and learn new programs by playing with them (yeah I'm still a boy at heart)....but I am also always up for an easy way to make myself look good! Enter: ANIMOTO, a new(er) company that makes editing professional quality video super easy....

So go share some more life and look a little better in the process, you secret is safe with me!

Community is Key

I began a new book (Tribes, Seth Godin) last week that really came into focus this morning.

On Wednesday mornings I meet with a small group of very diverse guys called the "Men of Action". This group ranges from ages 30 to 70+ all with varied backgrounds. We have topics we discuss and are there as a part support / part discussion group. We meet at this old diner (circa 1961) that is the quintessential "middle" America meeting place.

As I expected our leader devoted this weeks discussion to the election. Like many Americans' most of us had stayed up watching a very historical election and lamenting or celebrating some of the results. It wasn't completely surprising that there were differing opinions, but what became evident was the fact that this "tribe" of men were committed to helping each other and the country move forward.

They are optimistic....
They are genuine....
They are connected....

Most of them understand this by experience, through hard fought lessons that taught them that with help, real change can happen. They are doing life together, by trading stories on how things used to be, how far we have come and how we can help each other get through whatever life gives us.

I couldn't help but think of this book on "tribes" by Godin as I sat there this morning. He describes the fact that with technology its much easier to connect and build "fans" of our products, causes and endeavors. But we can never replace real community. Face-to-face interaction, story swappin, talking politics over coffee kind of community is the key to anyones' and everyones' success.

Tomorrow, take out the iPod and talk to a few people as you get your morning coffee. Grab a few friends and meet with them every week, join a small group at your church or get connected in some way. Life is no fun to do alone, the key is community!

What is Your Song?

Some people have an optimism that is contagious and you can't help but want to be around them....their attitude is positive and they rarely let others influence their mood. You get caught up in their smile and put one on yourself....you just can't help it.



I entered the local Starbucks yesterday to grab coffee (quite simply I love coffee!) with an old colleague. After our conversation I hung out a bit to read and just get my mind wrapped around the day.

Amid the flurry of Venti Skinny Chai Lattes, Tall Caramel Macchiatos and my personal favorite, Grande (Quad) Americanos being ordered, there was a woman singing. I was surprised and delighted that one; she was unafraid to belt out a bit and two; she had a good voice.

She was handling the drive through orders and in between taking orders and handing the glorious coffee confections out the window she was singing praise hymns. It started a chain reaction....her co-workers soon joined in and this great energy (more than a normal Starbucks) began to take hold.

I know I was not the only one humming my way out the door with a rather large grin on my face thanks to my new favorite song bird! It occurred to me that like singing, our "song" is what people feed off of, you get to choose what kind of "song" you sing everyday.

"My Pleasure"

I do not frequent very many fast food establishments (sans a late night run for the border every now and again). Nor do I think of great customer service when a fast food restaurant is discussed, ever!

Today was an exception, I visited Chick-fil-A for lunch. Greeted with smiles and courteous words I ordered and as is customary I replied with a "thank you". The response "oh my pleasure sir" caught me off guard more than the happy and smiling staff.

What a way to respond to your customers, it even felt sincere! I noticed that it was the practice of EVERY employee there, the counter staff and the gal smiling and picking up trays. I was impressed as I enjoyed a very tasty chicken wrap (I was able to avoid the fried chicken sandwich but not the waffle fries, oh so good!!)

While I in awe and surprised at my visit to Chick-fil-A, it was no shock that with a few clicks I was able to find out that this company is THRIVING! The largest privately held "quick-serve" restaurant chain has posted 39 consecutive YEARS of growth! More than 1,300 restaurants are closed EVERY Sunday because of their religious dedication (so they are open less than any other fast food or "quick-serve" chain).

So let me break it down for you....happy people, good product, unwavering dedication to certain principals = healthy business!!! I'm sold!

Chick-fil-A, thanks for a good lunch and great education on how to provide outstanding service. I feel compelled to tell a bit of my experience...actually its my pleasure to do so.

Seeing is Believing

Today is Blog Action Day 2008 and as such all bloggers no matter how good or bad have been asked to write about poverty in some fashion.

In so many situations we can find it easy to discuss a problem but as one of my previous mentors use to say (he still does actually) "the hardest part is getting started". Easy to understand but so hard to do.

We justify our stagnation with rationalizations (I do it all the time!); I'm too busy, I am already giving to charity, I give to my church and they provide for the homeless, I'll give when the economy gets better....and so on.

The challenge to each of us is to go see it for ourselves. Poverty is rampant in the US and even a larger crises overseas, so there are no shortage of places to go to get a sense of the need. To see it, smell it, sweat in it and truly experience it. In so many cases it may not even take a lot of money to make large improvements.

So are some options for you to consider:

• www.c3missions.org - C3 Missions provides High Impact Orphan care in the most needy places you can imagine. They have a "vision trip" only cost you 3 days vacation, Thursday to Monday to Haiti, arguably the most needy country in this hemisphere. I have a chance to go in July, its truly life changing. Try it, you will NOT be sorry!

• http://www.kcrm.org - The Kansas City Rescue Mission provides care the the needy in the greater Kansas City area and they are always looking for help. Go hang out and talk to some folks who are in need, chances are they may teach you something.

• http://www.kiva.org - If you haven't heard of Micro-loans or Micro-financing then you need to check it out. Help others with as little as $25 financing a business! Not as "personal" as the first two options but believe me its very personal to those that it helps start a business and change their lives!

So many ways for each of us to help, I thought I would just share a few of my favorites. The real solution is seeing it and being a part of it. It not only transforms the lives of the people you help, but it profoundly effects yours as well.

"The hardest part is getting started" and "seeing is believing" so go see what you can start!

Second opinion

So I was punishing myself at the gym yesterday (I had a nice size desert the night before) and while on the treadmill I was watching some CNN (yes I punish myself in more ways than one at the gym).

In any event, an ad came on that was for a prominent national agency putting together some class action for some drug that was now causing all sorts of problems. You know these commercials, trying to convince you to "cash in" on something now proved or soon to be proved bad for you, the environment and the WORLD.

This one had a line in it that said "If you have died due to using XX drug to call now..." I may not be the best copy writer or even a copy writer for that matter but that line was not edited well...and for a national TV spot for that matter!!

Next time you think it sounds good to you...get someone who will be honest with you to give their "second" opinion, then go to print. Just a suggestion.

The first law of mass media

Sales people can make the best marketers!

I nearly always enjoy Seth Godin's blogs (who doesn't), but this one in particular struck a chord with me as I am convinced that in order to be effective at any level of personal marketing you have to have your relationship skills in order.

More than that if marketing firms and advertising agencies want to really get in touch with their customers and have these kind of relationships that Seth describes, I suggest they hire sales people for their creative teams not just to sell their services!


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Read a book for crying out loud

Yes, in case some of you wondered they do still print books. You remember those....paper, bindings and a place to write notes with a real pen!

I too love the web but sometimes the best way to exercise the brain is to unplug and pick up a book...sounds lame right?! I think the real challenge is to pick up the right book.

So in order to help some of you "exercise" I am offering a few recommended readings. Now lets be clear, we all have diverse tastes in reading material, some of you will be looking for pictures, pop-ups or some self-help crap that touts the latest fad of how to make a million in a week....none of that here!

In no particular order (well maybe a little order):

• "The Alchemist" Paulo Coelho, A great story told in a fictional sense about really finding a better purpose for life, in addition to some insights in how to really listen to what the world is telling us. This book is great if you are ready to "hear" it. Those of you that are ready for it will know what I mean.
  
• "11 Minutes" Paulo Coelho, An interesting look at our sexuality, how that relates to who we are, what we do and what we are willing to give up to get it. I love how raw the book shows how close we are tied to our own sexuality.
  
• "3 Cups of Tea" Greg Mortenson & David Relin, A true story of a mountaineer's life changing experience in Pakistan and his mission to promote peace by building schools and educating girls in some of the poorest areas of the world. I'm inspired by how the actions of one person can really make change, too often I think we all forget that.
• "A Prayer for Jabez" Bruce Wilkinson, A little told guy in the Bible and the power of his prayer. Never underestimate God, period.
  
• "Wild at Heart" John Eldredge, What is it that men are really needing in life, church, love and much more....I like how Eldredge challenges all men to think differently. You have to read through to the end.

There are so many more but these 5 will get you started. They are all a bit different, however I love Coelho. This guy has to be one of the better writers I have read lately.

So go enjoy a book...a real one not a downloaded copy! If you have to you can go to Starbucks and keep your laptop open and stay connected while you read.

Message from Haiti

3 Days Back from Les Cayes, Haiti and I somehow still feel a bit overwhelmed at what to think about all that I saw there...

Here are some stats to chew on:

*A little over 8M people
*75% Unemployment
*55% Illiteracy
*Average Life Expectancy 50 yrs.
*Marked as the poorest country in the world

We complain about the price of gas, and yet we still can pay the bill. We complain about our housing market and yet many Haitians' will NEVER have a house. If they do its made from mud and has 4 walls, no roof and in many cases a 15x20 2 room house will contain 13-15 people!!! They have to sleep in shifts because there is not enough room.

One of our trip leaders said it very well. Very few Haitians' have choices! When you think about we make hundreds if not thousands of choices everyday. What shirt to wear, what to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner too. What to do after dinner; a movie, some tv if so what should we watch. In Haiti, there are very few choices to be made each day.

Even many of the under-privileged in the US would be considered well off in Haiti. Its truly amazing to see and understand it. In the midst of all of this many of the Haitian people we met were very positive, very close to God and had their priorities in line. God, Family, themselves, and not a whole lot else.

Perhaps the way to live a life worthy of anything, we need less? Perhaps its the distractions and societal expectations that get in our way?

In any case I will no longer look at hunger, orphans and the needy in the same light. Like it or not, agree with it or not, we are all connected and we will be judged by how we treat one another. Its a simple thought but one that is weighing on my mind, knowing this on one thing but what do I do now that the "cat is out of the bag" so to speak? Where do we go from here?

I thought that this trip would be a "nice thing to do", I mean with everything that has gone on with me in the last few years I wanted to do some things that I have always been meaning to do and never taken the time to do. Little did I know that this one in particular would be this profound.

I would ask you all to consider a few thoughts:

*What is it your putting off?
*What more do you need in this life?
*Do you feel connected to the people of this world?

Check out www.c3missions.org They are doing some incredible things. Perhaps some answers are out there for you. Perhaps you just need to ask a few more questions of yourself, I know I do.

A story many of us know...

I listen to music non-stop lately and can find so many commonalities in songs I love with my current situation. I love that about what the power of song can do! I digress... For me trying to heal from this I felt like telling part of the story might be appropriate...or at least therapeutic.


Divorced. Not a word I ever thought would be associated with me in a million years but nonetheless it is....to be honest it has had many positive effects. I guess the way we learn the toughest lessons is to be brought to our knees. Only now...over a year and a half since she left and as I approach the year mark of the finality of it all can I really grasp the gravity, effect, my part in it and the overall "good" that has come out of it.

I do truly hate Divorce....the only thing that I can think of worse than a broken heart is a broken heart and a broken marriage. For me it was here where I found out what God had given me, remembered where I came from, what I was here to do, and began to repair my life, my heart and my faith. I remember that my Dad was able to spend those first few days with me so that I didn't have to come home to an empty house....He will never know how much that meant to me. My friends took turns coming up to visit so that I would know they were here for me, people called and most importantly God stood by me every day, every morning to help me begin to breath and spark a hope (in my opinion in life hope is almost the only thing we need besides faith).

The church that I was attending just happened to have free counseling and I must say God provides a path for us if we are listening to his heart we can try to walk it. That counselor was EXACTLY what i needed, to this day I am not sure if he know how much i was holding on to those discussions but when in need, I was provided for!

"When your dreaming with a broken heart....the waking up is the hardest part...you roll out of bed and down on your knees and for a moment you can hardly breath"....The ONLY way John Mayer could have written this is by experiencing a broken heart for himself...because that's exactly what its like...only sometimes its the song that plays...the place you drive by, the realization of the family that you've lost that is the hardest part. Its all hard and you feel like no one fully understands...

For me I finally realized that I wasn't the only one who was hurt: my friends and family were hurt, her friends and family were too and wait a minute was it only her fault or was I involved in the marriage falling apart too...I like to think not but truthfully over the last several months I have begun to realize that my "fingerprints" are all over that whole situation. Then the questions begin....am I still that Man....could this happen again?

The road has been an interesting one....we have remained very cordial...almost friends. I still have a kind of love for her and most likely always will. I thought that I had to leave that in order to be healed but now I know that is part of what makes me who I am....I love deeply, I care deeply and turning that off isn't healing its letting part of me go. So i learn...

I was becoming more sure of myself and my walk was better than ever...i needed it to be! I finally was begging to see light, a future, a hope...and so much more down the road. I started doing things that I had always wanted to do but always had some sort of excuse. NO MORE EXCUSES! We have all heard the term that life is too short but until you feel the actual effects and the "realness" of what that phrase means you don't get it! I finally got it.

Although I had been angry and was very hurt I was always surprised at how calm I had taken it all...the moving out while I was gone, where she moved to, the money, etc....I decided early that I wasn't going to let anyone but GOD control my feelings (at least as much as possible). My normal mode in those very high stress situations was to lose my cool and get mad. Not this time!

Time passed and I began to feel better and felt that I was in a good place....that's when out of the blue I met a fantastic girl. It wasn't planned, and I didn't really know what to do...but we started dating and each day was better than before. With so much in common and so many common threads (it was scary) I felt like God was providing...The fact that we didn't live in the same town helped ensure that we talked, and wow what great discussions.

She is a curious and open soul...one that taught me a great deal about the value of open and honest communication. About being comfortable with yourself and about taking the steps needed to get to where you need to be. About loving openly and about taking full advantage of life.

I took those things to heart as I came to one of the toughest decisions that I have had to make, and that is to ensure that I am healed and ready to be that Man that I need to be in order to be any good to anyone else. For me that meant concentrating on my walk and heart to make absolutely sure that I was ready for another. What a risk. Sometimes trying to do the right thing just plain sucks!

I have been trying to reconcile these things with God over the last several months and in doing so have taken some pretty big steps in my life...I left a great relationship trusting that it was the right thing for the time being, I left a great job trusting that I needed the time and change, I am taking that time to travel and not let any excuses get in the way of what I have said I wanted to do for so long.

It seems like an eternity from last Feb when my life changed forever, and there is little doubt that I have been forever changed since that time too. I am so thankful to God for all he has blessed me with , i do not feel worthy of it. I cannot say enough about what my family and friends have done for me. i can only hope to have the opportunity to repay maybe a little of what you all have given me.

What you really control

We make decisions everyday, sometimes even without really thinking about it. Some decisions are easy, second nature even... like what to have for breakfast, who to go to lunch with, what to wear, etc... Then some decisions are much more important; how to love someone, what to do with your time and energy, who to love, how to react to a loss or more important what to do with what you have been given... I have been thinking about these items more and more lately... I don't have any large conclusions to offer except an overall thought; we really do not control a lot of what happens TO us, what we control is HOW we react to those things. This has been brought up to me personally in some significant ways over the last year. In addition, lately I have had several more illustrations of this point. It's lead me to really consider those decisions that are more impactful and shuffle through those less important ones around. I feel like I have been preparing my whole life for what is around the corner , what was my next move, what was the next promotion, how much more money could I make? I thought those things were controlling me when in fact my reactions where what was controlling me. I was letting someone else determine my mood, worth and well being. What I really should have been doing was enjoying the ride that I was on at the time. Making the most of those more important decisions.. time, energy, love, etc...just relishing in what all God has given me. I have spent the last year making some headway in this department and I fell like I continue to be blessed and challenged to think this way. We make decisions everyday, sometimes even without really thinking about it. Some decisions are easy, some decisions are much more important. In many cases we feel like those decisions are being controlled or forced in some way but the reality is we ALWAYS conrol our reaction to any situation. So the question is "what is your reaction going to be"!